Is She TOO Picky?

 Two types of daters -- those who are too desperate...and those who are too picky.

I met both when I was single. Of course, we all know, the ideal lies somewhere in the middle. But picky people think everyone else is "too desperate." Desperate people think everyone else is "too picky." They're right.

I'll say it now. Dating sucks. Especially in your 30s. I can't imagine what it must be like in your 40s. I'd guess by your 50s maybe everyone's chilled out a little...but half the male population starts dying off by that time so there's less to choose from.

Yeah, dating sucks.

The picky people are an interesting breed. Very amusing, at times. You see these women in their late 30s who want two-point-five kids and a white picket fence, yet they refuse to date anyone with children from a prior marriage. They lump all men into categories and make broad assumptions, such as, "Anyone with kids won't want more." They dump guy after guy, while you sit by silently wondering if they've noticed their time to have children might be running out. Denial...

Desperate people are interesting too. These are the people who pick out husband number two while husband number one is still loading his stuff on the U-Haul. They go from marriage to marriage to marriage, setting as their only criteria, "He'll take me, and that's good enough for me." It's like watching a train wreck. And don't bother telling them to take time to figure out who they are before marrying again. They won't listen.

You Know Who mentioned self-esteem. It's easy to see self-esteem as an issue in the desperate people. But picky people have self-esteem issues too. They just hide it behind the whole 'I don't need a man to make me happy' thing. Often, if you dig really deep, you find someone who is holding the world at bay for a reason. You find someone who keeps that wall up to prevent herself from being hurt.

I tried to talk to these picky friends...but they wouldn't listen either. They seriously believed that if you instantly put someone in a category based on income, physical appearance, and past history, you'll never be hurt. But imagine limiting your dating selection to men age 38-40, never married, no children, making $100,000 or more a year. Oh, and you have to meet those men through friends or happenstance because no way would you ever stoop to online dating. That's for "desperate" people.

We all make choices...and some of those choices are with us the rest of our lives. But by not opening ourselves up more and taking some risks, we miss out. I know if I'd stuck with my original criteria, I would have missed the love of my life. Sometimes you just have to open your mind.