GOLD DIGGERS? OR WOMEN WITH STANDARDS..

I keep reading men's complaints about female gold-diggers. Seems the number one thing I'm reading is this stereotype that women care about nothing but how much a man makes.

When you're in your 20s and early 30s, why do you date? For many women, they are ultimately hoping to have children someday. Maybe THEY don't want children but that biological urge is still there. We have this natural instinct to find someone to start a family with.

Then you hit your 30s. There are a few women who could possibly squeeze a child in before time runs out but for the most part, baby-making time has come and gone. What happens then?

I met many women in their 50s and up who had simply chosen to remain single for the rest of their lives. They saw no point in dating. They had friends, family, grandchildren to dote on. Why bring a man into the picture? It was more trouble than it was worth.

As you near retirement age, the only reason to seek out a companion is just that -- companionship. And not everyone feels the need for that. But BEFORE retirement age, AFTER childbirthing age, there's an entire group of women who fit into neither category. Why do they date?

For the same reason 20-somethings and 30-somethings date, minus reproductivity. They want someone to build a life with, someone to share the troubles of their day with. And, I'm going to be frank with you guys here. By the time a woman hits her 40s she expects whatever man she's with to have his shit together.

Yes, they might drawn to men who have money. Is it because they're seeking to bum off of him for the rest of their lives? Heck no. In fact, if you look around at the supposed 30-something gold diggers these guys are referring to, almost every single one of them have good jobs of their own. They own their own homes, have a nice chunk of change in the bank. So what are they looking for?

Come on. You know this one. I said it above.

They are looking for someone with his shit together.

Can you blame them, really? If a woman has worked hard to make sure she's out of debt and financially soluble, why would she want to link up with a guy who's not?

I once knew a girl in her 20s who had amassed considerable wealth. Not only did her family have it, she worked her butt off to ensure she had it as well. Like the 40-somethings these men complain about, she also insisted whatever man she dated have a good job, money in the bank, and not be in debt. Was she a gold digger?

Or was she smart?

"Marriage is a business transaction," a wealthy woman once told me. "Love is great but you HAVE to protect your assets."

That's something younger women don't always think about. For one, they usually don't have assets to protect. Also they have not yet been burned by separation/divorce, so they naively believe that when they fall in love, nothing else will matter. They'll pay off his $30,000 debt TOGETHER and live happily ever after.

Yeah, right.

Sure, there are gold digging women out there. Women who are looking for a free ride in life so they don't have to work. But generally those women are younger, not older. Most women in our 30s and 40s have already spent a great deal of time in the workforce and have our own money. We acknowledge that if we merge with someone we will also be merging our finances and, to put it bluntly, if we link up with a loser we are going to pay for it. So we consider that in our decision.

Does that make us gold diggers?

Maybe it just means we're smart. :) - sassy