Is She TOO Picky?

 Two types of daters -- those who are too desperate...and those who are too picky.

I met both when I was single. Of course, we all know, the ideal lies somewhere in the middle. But picky people think everyone else is "too desperate." Desperate people think everyone else is "too picky." They're right.

I'll say it now. Dating sucks. Especially in your 30s. I can't imagine what it must be like in your 40s. I'd guess by your 50s maybe everyone's chilled out a little...but half the male population starts dying off by that time so there's less to choose from.

Yeah, dating sucks.

The picky people are an interesting breed. Very amusing, at times. You see these women in their late 30s who want two-point-five kids and a white picket fence, yet they refuse to date anyone with children from a prior marriage. They lump all men into categories and make broad assumptions, such as, "Anyone with kids won't want more." They dump guy after guy, while you sit by silently wondering if they've noticed their time to have children might be running out. Denial...

Desperate people are interesting too. These are the people who pick out husband number two while husband number one is still loading his stuff on the U-Haul. They go from marriage to marriage to marriage, setting as their only criteria, "He'll take me, and that's good enough for me." It's like watching a train wreck. And don't bother telling them to take time to figure out who they are before marrying again. They won't listen.

You Know Who mentioned self-esteem. It's easy to see self-esteem as an issue in the desperate people. But picky people have self-esteem issues too. They just hide it behind the whole 'I don't need a man to make me happy' thing. Often, if you dig really deep, you find someone who is holding the world at bay for a reason. You find someone who keeps that wall up to prevent herself from being hurt.

I tried to talk to these picky friends...but they wouldn't listen either. They seriously believed that if you instantly put someone in a category based on income, physical appearance, and past history, you'll never be hurt. But imagine limiting your dating selection to men age 38-40, never married, no children, making $100,000 or more a year. Oh, and you have to meet those men through friends or happenstance because no way would you ever stoop to online dating. That's for "desperate" people.

We all make choices...and some of those choices are with us the rest of our lives. But by not opening ourselves up more and taking some risks, we miss out. I know if I'd stuck with my original criteria, I would have missed the love of my life. Sometimes you just have to open your mind.

The Physics of The Quest: EAT PRAY LOVE

“…I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call “The Physics of The Quest” – a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.” Or so I’ve come to believe.”

- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love.

I bought the book last April, but decided not to continue reading it after chapter 4 or 5. 'just got married that time and I found the character of Liz very selfish and ungrateful (having a good husband, career home,friends) but still choose to end her marriage. I really thought I wouldn't like the book at all.  The author sounded whiny and self-indulgent to me so I put off reading it for a while.
 
I thought I better not continue reading the book, just in time when I've learned that they made a movie out of it. I can't wait to see the movie.  It's bound to be cheesy but I am going to embrace the cheese..and I did yesterday! My sister in law Alice, wanted to see it badly and there's no way of saying "NO" to her.

Well I understand that every once in a while, most people think about pushing the eject button on their life and doing something completely different.. personally, I wouldn't go that far to find inner peace :) Its a great movie though, made me crave for pasta and pizza after the movie :p

**
I've never understood why so many people were able to connect with Gilbert's book. True, we all face pain and heartbreak much like she does, but that's precisely where the similarities come to a screeching halt. Whereas Gilbert convinced her publisher to finance a year-long journey through Italy, India, and Bali, the rest of us have to make do with whatever spiritual growth and self-discovery comes from slogging to our jobs each day and watching TV on the couch each night.

Do I sound jealous? Good! Because that's exactly my point: Gilbert's journey is so very particular and so fantastical that while I may have found it an interesting read, I couldn't relate to her life because I was too busy wanting it for my own.

My other problem with the book -- and this is hard to admit -- was Gilbert herself. Simply put, in this book, she's difficult to like. It's hard to get past the fact that's she so self-involved and at times borderline histrionic. I found making it through a 300-plus-page book in which the author takes herself sooooo seriously -- seriously exhausting.

The movie, however, is a different story because it succeeds where the book fails. Instead of telling the story about one woman's very specific path to spiritual enlightenment and self-discovery, it imparts a more universal tale about the search for love. More specifically, Eat Pray Love (the movie) is a snapshot of that precious yet uncomfortable space in time that falls in between losing love and finding it again -- and who can't relate to that?

Moreover, Julia Roberts makes Liz Gilbert likable by bringing lightness and a sense of humor to the role. We actually want to hear what this character has to say instead of frustraingly flipping to the end just so we can get some peace and quiet.

Throw in some hot Hollywood men (Javier Bardem, James Franco, Billy Crudup), breathtaking shots of Italy, India, and Bali, some serious food porn, and a slew of "no carb left beind" and "I'm having a relationship with my pizza" jokes, and you've got yourself the quintessential summer chick flick. It's romantic, touching, and fun with just enough substance to not make you hate yourself the morning after.


Are you going to see Eat Pray Love?

Crazy Spa Treatments: Sperm Facial?!

So I was browsing through this week's New York magazine this morning and read a short piece on how the latest craze in anti-aging treatments is a sperm-based facial. I'm sorry, what now?

Called the Spermine Facial, it consists of slathering synthesized human sperm on your face and then running an ultrasound and infared light over the substance to help it, ahem, penetrate deeper. Townhouse Spa is currently offering this service for $250.

Apparently studies were conducted (can you imagine that clinical trial?) that showed that the antioxidant found in human sperm makes your skin softer and less wrinkly. I've seen people put some pretty crazy stuff on their face in the name of beauty but this takes the cake. I'm all for piling on the lotions and potions to keep my skin looking its best, but I don't think I could get over the gross-out factor on this one.

Would you try the Spermine Facial or is this just too gross for words?

Catching Hummingbirds

It took less than a second to capture this tiny hummingbird yesterday, sipping a delightful taste of nectar from the flower. However, what you don’t see, are the several shots over and over again for well over thirty minutes that have lots of flowers and not a single bit of hummingbird feather anywhere to be seen. Before I could move my finger on the button, the little fellow had flittered away, again and again, out of my range, teasing my camera and my patience.

It would have been VERY easy to quit. In fact, I was SO close to walking away. I knew I was keeping lunch waiting, there was so much more to be seen at the gardens where my Ambrose family were, celebrating the 1st day of harvest. I kept saying, “Just ONE more try…just ONE more time…If I don’t get it THIS time I’ll QUIT…” But then I would try again. I couldn’t seem to help myself.

Over and over.

And then there he was. Captured on film.

I won’t pretend it’s a great shot. It’s just a lesson on persistence. I keep finding myself looking at it over and over again when I get discouraged. When I feel like giving up. It’s a reminder.

Sometimes you CAN catch a hummingbird. :)

Here are some fast facts about hummingbirds:

* Most hummingbirds flap their wings about 50 or so times a second, faster than any other bird.
* A hummingbird's heart beats up to 1,260 times per minute.
* Hummingbirds fly an average 25-30 mph, but can reach speeds of 60 mph when diving.
* Hummingbirds may visit as many as 1,000 flowers per day in their non-stop search for food.
* Although the hummingbird is the smallest species of bird, its brain accounts for 4.2% of its total body weight, making it, proportionately, the largest brain in the bird kingdom.
* Hummingbirds can live 10 or more years in the wild.

GOLD DIGGERS? OR WOMEN WITH STANDARDS..

I keep reading men's complaints about female gold-diggers. Seems the number one thing I'm reading is this stereotype that women care about nothing but how much a man makes.

When you're in your 20s and early 30s, why do you date? For many women, they are ultimately hoping to have children someday. Maybe THEY don't want children but that biological urge is still there. We have this natural instinct to find someone to start a family with.

Then you hit your 30s. There are a few women who could possibly squeeze a child in before time runs out but for the most part, baby-making time has come and gone. What happens then?

I met many women in their 50s and up who had simply chosen to remain single for the rest of their lives. They saw no point in dating. They had friends, family, grandchildren to dote on. Why bring a man into the picture? It was more trouble than it was worth.

As you near retirement age, the only reason to seek out a companion is just that -- companionship. And not everyone feels the need for that. But BEFORE retirement age, AFTER childbirthing age, there's an entire group of women who fit into neither category. Why do they date?

For the same reason 20-somethings and 30-somethings date, minus reproductivity. They want someone to build a life with, someone to share the troubles of their day with. And, I'm going to be frank with you guys here. By the time a woman hits her 40s she expects whatever man she's with to have his shit together.

Yes, they might drawn to men who have money. Is it because they're seeking to bum off of him for the rest of their lives? Heck no. In fact, if you look around at the supposed 30-something gold diggers these guys are referring to, almost every single one of them have good jobs of their own. They own their own homes, have a nice chunk of change in the bank. So what are they looking for?

Come on. You know this one. I said it above.

They are looking for someone with his shit together.

Can you blame them, really? If a woman has worked hard to make sure she's out of debt and financially soluble, why would she want to link up with a guy who's not?

I once knew a girl in her 20s who had amassed considerable wealth. Not only did her family have it, she worked her butt off to ensure she had it as well. Like the 40-somethings these men complain about, she also insisted whatever man she dated have a good job, money in the bank, and not be in debt. Was she a gold digger?

Or was she smart?

"Marriage is a business transaction," a wealthy woman once told me. "Love is great but you HAVE to protect your assets."

That's something younger women don't always think about. For one, they usually don't have assets to protect. Also they have not yet been burned by separation/divorce, so they naively believe that when they fall in love, nothing else will matter. They'll pay off his $30,000 debt TOGETHER and live happily ever after.

Yeah, right.

Sure, there are gold digging women out there. Women who are looking for a free ride in life so they don't have to work. But generally those women are younger, not older. Most women in our 30s and 40s have already spent a great deal of time in the workforce and have our own money. We acknowledge that if we merge with someone we will also be merging our finances and, to put it bluntly, if we link up with a loser we are going to pay for it. So we consider that in our decision.

Does that make us gold diggers?

Maybe it just means we're smart. :) - sassy                  

Don't let go too soon...Don't hang on too long

Shakespeare said, "The course of true love never did run smooth." Tanya Tucker sang, "If it don't come easy, you better let it go." Setting aside the fact that we're comparing Shakespeare and Tanya Tucker here, these are two very opposing viewpoints...and both are valid.

I've been in relationships where it was not easy at the beginning. The timing was off but we both wanted to be together, so we fought to make it work. I've also been in relationships that flowed smoothly right from the start and obviously those didn't work out either. The one constant for me, in every relationship I've had, is that I stayed in the relationship until I was absolutely sure it wouldn't work. As a result, I've never gone back to an ex and I've never had a single regret once I was out of it. I did everything I could.

I know people who break up to make a point. "Fine. I'm done!" They storm off and wait for the other person to come chasing after them. Not me. I try to work it out until we're both to the point that we can't stand each other anymore. Not only do I check the pulse to make sure the relationship is dead, I wait for the autopsy results AND attend the funeral. I'm there long, long after I should have given up because, Lord knows, I'd hate to let go too soon.

Don't get me wrong -- I've walked away from plenty of men in the beginning, when they first showed their true colors. If someone wasn't "into me" enough or our interests weren't similar or he just wasn't what I was looking for, I could very easily stop things before they went any further. But once I've committed myself to the relationship, it's not easy for me to let go. Not until I am absolutely sure it isn't going to work out.

If it's right, supposedly from the beginning it just flows. Every day is sunshine and roses. You never have any conflicts, you never have to wonder what the other person is thinking. That's the theory anyway.

I don't think I've ever had a relationship where the other person did everything one hundred percent the way I wanted. There was always a time when I wanted to talk to him and he didn't call. Or when I left a text message and he didn't return it for several hours. I almost always wanted to see him more than I was able to -- because when you're in love that's how it is. You can't get enough of the other person. If that did happen, I would be the one pushing him away, no doubt. Who needs someone calling every time she even thinks of him? Always on her sofa every time she wishes he were there? There's something to be said for things not going as "perfectly" as they're supposed to.

But I will acknowledge, I have wasted far too much of my life waiting around for a relationship to work out. I was in a ten month relationship I now realize I should have ended six months in. I was in a four month relationship I should have ended at the two month mark. But if I had, I would have never known for sure that it couldn't have been worked out. And can there be anything worse than wondering about "the one that got away?"

If only we were all psychic...

Closing Cycle

One always has to know when a stage comes to an END. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

The one that got away...

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with …and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away?

I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a long time partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will. The day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you’re single… but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, ”What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?”

That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that if you’re already with the one you’re with, that this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright.



It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different.

What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple… find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.” You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference.

If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow. And it would be a great feeling, if in the end, you’d be able to say to someone, ”Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away.” ♥♥♥

Source: The Manila Times
By: Mark J. Macapagal

As one door closes another one opens..

It’s a phrase many of us have used to comfort a friend in their time of challenge or change. It’s a phrase many of us have been told in our own lives as we’ve encountered uncertainty or a new direction. Its offers a gentle reminder of all things working for a greater good and that, even though we may be blinded by our current circumstances, we will rise above if we have trust and faith.

But it’s not so simple is it?

I've been setting all my Multiply blogs to my Blogger account (at least few of them). As with everything on Multiply, doing this is not easy. You have to go through it one by one. For the average blogger, this might be no big deal, but in the 6 years I blogged on here, I posted like approximately 400 blogs, plus I need to save some old pictures I posted here too :) ** I opened this account Aug 2004, damn now I really feel old **

Why am I doing this? Because that's 400 blogs worth of history. I could have just deleted the account, which would have saved me about 12 hours of precious time, but then I would have lost all that history. And I couldn't let that happen.

Those are my words. They chronicle a period of my life that I might want to read back over sometime. Let's face it, most of us don't keep diaries, and MOST of us look back and wish we had. I feel like those blogs freeze a moment in time of my life that, when I'm 80, I'll want to look back and remember.

If Multiply still keeps all that up and running, that is.

I read over some of them. Some were really, really good. Very astute observations. I may repost a few of them in Facebook but most of them just don't hold up over time. They no longer represent the person I am today. I can't believe so much change over a year span.. getting married and living in a different country..

That is, in itself, amazing to me. Just how much I've changed.

As I have looked back on my life I see there are times when I knew the right words to say but my actions didn’t support what I said I believed.**well most of the time!

I DIDN’T WANT TO LET THE DOOR CLOSE – Too often we are so afraid of an existing door closing that we fight and fight to keep it open. Our eyes become so focused on the door that is closing that we don’t stop to look around for the new one that is opening up. The fear of losing what we’ve had often blocks us from the opportunity to accept all the great things that are coming.

I WAS AFRAID OF BEING BETWEEN THE DOORS – Sometimes a new door doesn’t open at the exact same time as an old door is closing. I believe this is a common cause of confusion. Many expect that when one door closes, another one is opening simultaneously in its place. I’ve not found that to always be the case. There may be a brief time between the doors when you are meant to reflect or learn from your old door before you can be ready to step into the opening of a new one. This is a time of preparation and peace. Not a time of frantic disbelief.

So what about you?

“When one door closes, another door opens.”

Are you holding on too tight? Are you afraid of what is next?

Join me as we embrace the change together, as we move from knowing the right things to say to actually believing them and putting them into practice through our words and actions. Let go of that old door and get ready to step into the one. - sassy :)