"Not that we were incompatible: we just had nothing to talk about." — Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

How I Become Stupid A Novel by Martin Page

"Antoine had always felt he was living in dog years. When he was seven he felt about as playful as a man of forty-nine; by eleven he was disillusioned as an old man of seventy-seven. Now, age twenty five, Antoine was hoping to start taking it easy, and he resolved to shroud his brain in stupidity. He had already realized that intelligence was just the word people used for stupid remarks that were well presented and prettily pronounced, and that intelligence itself was so corrupt, there was often more to be gained from being dumb than from being a sworn intellectual. Intelligence makes you unhappy, lonely, and poor, whereas disguising it offers the possibility of immortality in newsprint and the admiration of those who believe what they read."



At 160 pages -- smallish pages with pretty big type and huge margins -- it certainly wasn’t the length that held me up. The novel is about the size of a collection of Archies comics. The paragraphs are short. The chapters are broken up into little story-chunks.This book has only one drawback: its title, How I Become Stupid, is misleading advertising, since when you finish it you feel much smarter than before.




Twenty-five-year-old Parisian Antoine is sick. The disease? Intelligence. Desperate to find a cure for his overactive brain, Antoine considers alcoholism, suicide, and lobotomy, but none seems quite right for his special needs. A new job, though, is just the ticket. Accepting a position in his high-school friend's brokerage firm, Antoine finds the burdens of consciousness gradually slipping away. This delightfully over-the-top debut novel was a smash when it was published in France in 2001, but will it play as well stateside? After all, the mediocrity that Antoine deems essential to being happy in today's society features many elements common to mainstream American culture. Still, there is always an audience--if not an enormous one--for novels that skewer thick-headed simplicity, and this absurdist comedy mounts a formidable attack. Only an abrupt and puzzlingly optimistic ending detracts from the note of cheerful pessimism that drives the story.

Tortured by the depth of his own intellect, plagued by his overwhelming sense of self-awareness and the moral implications of every action he makes, Antoine, a twenty-five year old Aramaic scholar, is at the end of his rope, with only one viable solution in sight: HE MUST DENOUNCE HIS INTELLIGENCE, by any means necessary . What follows in Martin Page's wickedly funny satire is an odyssey unlike any other as Antoine walks the streets of Paris trying everything from alcoholism to stock-trading to the prescription drug Happyzac in order to lighten the burden of his mind on his soul, and to fulfill his dream of becoming stupid enough to be happily functioning member of society.

In a letter that Antoine has written to his friends to explain his mission of becoming stupid, Page writes:  

“Men simplify the world with words and thoughts, and that’s how they create their certainties; and having certainty is the most potent pleasure in the world, far more potent than money, sex, and power all combined. Renouncing true intelligence is the price we have to pay for having these certainties, and it’s an expenditure that never gets noticed by the bank of our minds.”

Yes, dude, I am so totally with you. :)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sara Bareilles King Of Anything

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see

You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe

Birdwatching




A very productive day to hang out in Wendell, in my in-laws place.. this Swainson's Hawk was kind enough to pose for a little while. Many birders will tell you, that this species is a lot more tolerant of us humans than the other common raptor of the prairies, the Red-tailed Hawk. Bird watching is really FUN :)

Facebook Confessions

She's having trouble in her marriage.


She needs to speak to someone.


So she posts her marital troubles as cryptic status updates on Facebook.


Facebook is as private as you want it to be. Someone can see your page only if YOU allow them to. So what's the harm in letting your high school friends, your best friend from grade school, and a couple of cousins know your husband is taking you for granted?



Is it bad if THEY know more about your marital troubles than your husband does?


The thing about marriage is that in a healthy marriage, one spouse goes to the other for support. When one spouse is unfaithful, the biggest betrayal comes in the fact that the spouse went to someone outside the marriage for emotional support. Granted, there are situations where a spouse brings up the problems and the other spouse doesn't want to hear them. But in that case, is it ever wise to blast those troubles to 400 of your closest friends?


Isn't it bad enough when she chooses to tell her three best friends? Her officemates? A stranger on the morning train?



Here's my problem with it. Your cryptic messages get on my LAST NERVE. Out with it already. I don't know if these people simply want to prepare their friends and loved ones for the upcoming divorce or separation announcement or what...but this "Not sure how much more I can take" and "Need strength to get through this" messages just leave me concerned at first...then annoyed after a while. I want to know what the heck is going on but most of all, I want to know why YOU want us to know something is going on, but you don't want to tell us the full story.


I guess, like everything in life, there are simply people who want the world to know they suffer. That's understood. We all suffer from time to time...some choose to do it in private and some want the world to watch. (Hence the overabundance of people willing to star in reality TV shows.) There's power in prayer...I get that. You post your status update and 20 people immediately tell you they'll pray for you. There's comfort in that. But what about the family members who read this? What if your husband's Aunt Betsy reads it, tells everyone else in the family, and then you have to face all of them at the next family reunion?


Is there anyone in your Facebook circle of friends who engages in this behavior? How do you feel about it?

Monday, September 6, 2010

Blog Me..Blog Me Not..



I'm now MARRIED, but even when I was in a serious relationship before we tie the knot, my now husband learned of my blog on Multiply. I didn't hide it from him -- in fact, I felt writing was such an integral part of who I was, anyone who was right for me would be supportive right from the beginning.

Not a smart move. You see, back then my blog, located on Multiply, centered around the difficulties of dating in your 30s. I wrote about the losers. The jerks. The whacko first dates with men not suitable as co-workers, let alone soul mates. Can you imagine dating Multiply''s Carrie Bradshaw? Your every thought would be, "Is she going to write about ME next?"






He didn't think that.


Of course, by that time I wasn't writing about bad dates because I wasn't having them. For the first few months I didn't mention him at all, and when I did, it was with the utmost caution. All was well for about a year...


Then I became lax in my writing.


It was normal for me to write about common relationship dilemmas. Things I've written about here. What if you're dating someone who doesn't want children? What if you're dating someone who doesn't call as often as you'd like? What if things aren't progressing as quickly as you'd like? What if you're still the "other woman"?


Most of the time these situations were inspired by readers, who would write in for advice. He'd miss that point, though, and ask, "Was that about me?" Soon I realized even prefacing it with, "A reader sent this in," wasn't enough. I was making him paranoid.


I began censoring my writing. I'd come up with topics and decide it wasn't wise to write about that with him reading. He read along, every day, with that e-mail notification coming to his e-mail inbox.




Then I moved to Blogger.


And he lost my blog.


Soon I discovered, though, that there's a freedom in the fact that he's not reading. I can write whatever I want without worrying he'll ask if today's blog was about him.


Of course, I don't... You never know who else might be reading.


Exes. Relatives. Friends. His co-workers...


I think that's another reason why naming my blog from the character of my favorite novel is much better. 




Now it's your turn. Does your significant other read your blog? How does he feel about it? Does knowing he's reading influence what you write?

Sunday, September 5, 2010

THE HATER TRILOGY

HATE, a feeling related to one's perception of having been offended/wronged and a tendency to undo that wrongdoing by retaliation. What happen when this emotion become a basic instinct to survive?



I stumbled on Hater by accident and couldn't put the book down for 3 straight days. I love the way it was written in modern language, like it was spoken. The book is AWESOME, I don't exaggerate when I say it was truly one of the best books I've ever read. I just finished Dog Blood, the last chapters where so gripping. I can't wait for the third book of the Hater trilogy..THEM OR US



********

Rampant rage, termination of trust, and paralyzing paranoia are all components in a frenzied, febrile fiction created by David Moody. In his novel Hater, the world has gone malignantly mad. Seemingly normal people suddenly feel compelled to attack others with the intent to kill. The violence is motivated by fear; those who kill, or attempt the act, are driven by the notion that the person they must murder is a personal danger to them. This virulent virus of hate causes carnage on a grand scale. There is much detail of the devastation. The killers, labeled “Haters” by the media, are not delicate in their dispensation of death. That, in a nutshell, is the plot. To his great credit, author Moody manages to sustain the tension. It is a brilliant achievement to have a premise that is static in its nature move so well as a story. Hater is an exercise in maintaining mood and incrementally increasing interest by emphasizing the lethal anarchy itself. The reason it is occurring is secondary to surviving it.
The tale is told mostly from the point of view of a parking enforcement worker named Danny. Danny has seen his share of flared tempers and exasperation. None of this prepares him for the odd occurrences which slowly start to unfold around him. He sees a little old lady brutally beaten by a man in the street. At a rock concert, Danny witnesses more unprovoked violence; this time it is one band mate attacking another. When the realization literally hits home that it could happen to anyone: A beloved family member, a spouse, the neighbor upstairs; it leads to a revelation. Danny understands the division; it boils down to them versus us. Initially, this repulses him: “To stand and fight against them would mean displaying the same emotions as they do. It would be self-destructive. To fight back is to risk being called a Hater too. All we can do is keep to ourselves and not retaliate.”
Circumstances later prompt Danny to adopt a different stance. He embraces the “us” and “them” mentality, and becomes emotionally and physically empowered. His perception is radically altered, and he finds how absurdly easy it is to kill. It is no wonder that this book, which was first self published in 2006 without the benefit of an agent, attracted the attention of movie makers. Guillermo del Toro, and Mark Johnson (who produced The Chronicles of Narnia) bought the film rights. Esteemed director, J.A. Bayona (The Orphanage) is helming the production. Compound all that with the knowledge that Hater is the first book in a trilogy, and it is obvious that David Moody is in a very enviable position. Hater is a fascinating book that ponders the potential for violence in each of us. It also is a timely treatise on how facile it is to separate, delineate, and alienate ourselves from one another. All it takes is fear.

Review by Sheila Merritt http://hellnotes.com/hater-book-review

Friday, September 3, 2010

The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures

To write this piece, we cataloged over 7,000 photographs on OkCupid.com, analyzing three primary things:
  • Facial Attitude. Is the person smiling? Staring straight ahead? Doing that flirty lip-pursing thing?
  • Photo Context. Is there alcohol? Is there a pet? Is the photo outdoors? Is it in a bedroom?
  • Skin. How much skin is the person showing? How much face? How much breasts? How much ripped abs?

In looking closely at the astonishingly wide variety of ways our users have chosen to represent themselves, we discovered much of the collective wisdom about profile pictures was wrong. For interested readers, I explain our measurement process, and how we collected our data, at the end of the post. All my bar charts are zeroed on the average picture. Now to the data.
MYTH 1
It’s better to smile
One of the first things we noticed when diving into our pool of photos is that men and women have very different approaches to the camera.

Women smile about 50% more than men do and make that flirty-face four times as often.
Now, you’re always told to look happy and make eye contact in social situations, but at least for your online dating photo, that’s just not optimal advice. For women, a smile isn’t strictly better: she actually gets the most messages by flirting directly into the camera, like the center and right-hand subjects above.

Notice that, however, that flirting away from the camera is the single worst attitude a woman can take. Certain social etiquettes apply even online: if you’re going to be making eyes at someone, it should be with the person looking at your picture.
Men’s photos are most effective when they look away from the camera and don’t smile:

Maybe women want a little mystery. What is he looking at? Slashdot? Or Engadget?

It’s interesting that while making flirty eye contact is relatively okay for men, flirting away from the camera is the worst thing they, too, can do.
MYTH 2
The MySpace Angle Is Busted
The universally-maligned MySpace angle is achieved by holding your camera above your head and being just so darn coy.
We were sure these pictures were lame; in fact, the prospect of producing hard data on just how lame got us all excited. But we were so wrong.

In terms of getting new messages, the MySpace shot is the single most effective photo type for women. We at first thought this was just because, typically, you can kind of see down the girl’s shirt with the camera at that angle—indeed, that seems to be the point of shot in the first place—so we excluded all cleavage-showing shots from the pool and ran the numbers again. No change: it’s still the best shot; better, in fact, than straight-up boob pics (more on those later).
Weird.
MYTH 3
Guys should keep their shirts on
The male “Ab Shot” has the same reputation as the MySpace Shot—it’s an Internet cliché that supposedly everyone thinks is only for bozos. To wit: a journalist was visiting our office recently, and when we told her we were researching user photos, the first thing she said was “please tell me people hate it when guys show off their abs.” We hadn’t finished running the numbers yet, so we confidently reassured her that people did. The data contradicted us.

Of course, there is some self-selection here: the guys showing off their abs are the ones with abs worth showing, and naturally the best bodies get lots of messages. So we can’t recommend this photo tactic to every man. But, contrary to everything you read about profile pictures, if you’re a guy with a nice body, it’s actually better to take off your shirt than to leave it on. We would never suggest to a Fitzgerald or a Dave Eggers to limit his profile to 100 words, and so why should guys with great bodies keep their best asset under wraps?
Dating, both online and off is about playing to your strengths, and it should be no different for men with muscles, even if the classic pose is kinda hard to take:

After weeks of sorting through pictures, I started calling these guys headless horsemen.
An interesting caveat here is that a six-pack does seem to have a short shelf life: the effectiveness of the “abs pic” decreases sharply with age.

A 19 year-old showing his abs meets just under 1.4 women for every women he reaches out to, meaning that not only are females responding to his messages, but many are actually contacting him first. For a 31 year-old ab shower, that ratio has regressed to much closer to the average.
Because of our restricted data set for this post, we can only make confident claims for 19 to 31 year-olds right now, but it’s our strong suspicion that this downward trend continues with age. In the future perhaps we can investigate what’s behind the decline: is it because older guys and their older abs are inherently less attractive, or because women as they age find body shots less interesting?
One final point, vis à vis men, their torsos, and the clothing thereupon: if you’re not the type of guy who can show off your muscles, don’t veer off in the opposite direction and get all dressed up. Outfits more sophisticated than a simple collared shirt fare poorly:

The Cleavage Shot

There are no clear myths associated with showing cleavage in your picture. Most “experts” recommend you don’t, but everyone knows that breasts get attention, so to treat that recommendation as a “myth” would be disingenuous. But since the Cleavage Shot is the feminine analogue of the Ab Shot, and an undisputed online dating archetype, we thought we should discuss it.
Like the Ab Shot, the Cleavage Shot is very successful, drawing 12.9 new contacts per month, or 49% more than average. But unlike the Abs Shot, this positive effect actually trends against the effects of age.

As you would expect, women get fewer and fewer new messages as they age (which is a topic for another whole post!), but this decrease in new contacts is substantially slower for women with cleavage pics. A 32 year-old woman showing her body gets only 1 less message a month than the equivalent 18 year-old; an older woman not showing off gets 4 messages less, a large relative fall-off in popularity. The older the woman, the more relatively successful she is showing off her body
We find this anti-aging trend surprising. When we look further into the data, we can see that as women get older, they are more hesitant to emphasize their bodies, despite its still being a good strategy (at least in terms of message volume). Instead, they increasingly choose to show themselves in non-sexual contexts, like being outdoors:

For women in their late teens and early twenties, body pictures are the most popular type of shot; outdoor pictures are second. This ordering is reversed by the mid-twenties.
To wrap up our cleavage discussion, let’s assess the kind of messages the cleavage-showers are getting. A message like “Hey nice rack” isn’t really gonna lead anywhere, and isn’t very valuable to the recipient. We looked a level deeper and analyzed what resulted from the incoming contacts. Did the messages go unanswered? Did they turn into legitimate conversations? We didn’t go through anyone’s inbox to do this; we mathematically modeled a “conversation,” based number of messages back and forth. And we discovered the following:

This chart gives excellent insight as to why to the subject of this picture:

gets many more meaningful messages than does the subject of this one:

even though the two women are basically the same age, spend the same amount of time on the site, have similar profile length and quality, and have the same “attractiveness” as rated by OkCupid’s male population. If you want worthwhile messages in your inbox, the value of being conversation-worthy, as opposed to merely sexy, cannot be overstated.
MYTH 4
Make sure your face is showing
We used to think that the one iron-clad rule of Internet dating photos was to at least show your face. In fact, we used to give this very advice on OkCupid’s own photo upload page:

That page reads differently now because we found that all other things being equal whether you show your face really doesn’t affect your messages at all.

When at first these results came back, we didn’t believe it. We installed all kinds of sophisticated photo analysis software libraries, ran scripts to measure the percentage of face in each of our photos, generated diabolically meaningless scatter plots:

But the facts were stubborn: your face doesn’t necessarily matter. In fact, not showing your face can in fact be a positive, as long as you substitute in something unusual, sexy, or mysterious enough to make people want to talk to you.

All of the above subjects get far more messages than average, and yet none of them have outstanding profiles. The pictures do all the work: in different ways, they pique the viewer’s curiosity and say a lot about who the subject is (or wants to be).
Of course, we wouldn’t recommend that you meet someone in person without first seeing a full photo of them, that still seems like a recipe for disaster. In the near future, we’re going to be arranging series of blind dates through the site, and profile photo accuracy vs. the success of the date will be a big part of the report. Thanks for reading.

How we collected and evaluated this data

Our data set was chosen at random from all users in big cities, with only one profile photograph, between the ages of 18 and 32. We then lopped the most and least attractive members of the pool, fearing that they would skew our results. So all the data in this post is for “average-looking people;” here’s a graphical representation of that concept for the female pool.

After a bit more sifting, we finalized our data pool at 7,140 users. Aside from running each picture through a variety of analysis scripts, we tagged, by hand, each picture for various contextual indicators. We double-checked the tags before generating our data.
To quantify “profile success” for women, we used new messages received per active month on the site.
We had to do something different than this for guys, because of the fundamentally different role they play in the online courtship process: they are the ones reaching out to new people; women send only a small fraction of the unsolicited “hellos” that men do. As you’ve seen, the metric we settled on is, “women met per attempt”, which is:
(new incoming messages + replies to outgoing first contacts)
/
outgoing first contacts
Basically, this is how many women a guy has a conversation with, per new woman he reaches out to, and we feel it’s the best way to measure his success per unit time on OkCupid. Note that if a guy has a particularly compelling photo, this ratio could exceed 1, as he’d be getting messages from the women who come across his profile, as well as the women he himself is reaching out to.