"Not that we were incompatible: we just had nothing to talk about." — Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Facebook Confessions

She's having trouble in her marriage.


She needs to speak to someone.


So she posts her marital troubles as cryptic status updates on Facebook.


Facebook is as private as you want it to be. Someone can see your page only if YOU allow them to. So what's the harm in letting your high school friends, your best friend from grade school, and a couple of cousins know your husband is taking you for granted?



Is it bad if THEY know more about your marital troubles than your husband does?


The thing about marriage is that in a healthy marriage, one spouse goes to the other for support. When one spouse is unfaithful, the biggest betrayal comes in the fact that the spouse went to someone outside the marriage for emotional support. Granted, there are situations where a spouse brings up the problems and the other spouse doesn't want to hear them. But in that case, is it ever wise to blast those troubles to 400 of your closest friends?


Isn't it bad enough when she chooses to tell her three best friends? Her officemates? A stranger on the morning train?



Here's my problem with it. Your cryptic messages get on my LAST NERVE. Out with it already. I don't know if these people simply want to prepare their friends and loved ones for the upcoming divorce or separation announcement or what...but this "Not sure how much more I can take" and "Need strength to get through this" messages just leave me concerned at first...then annoyed after a while. I want to know what the heck is going on but most of all, I want to know why YOU want us to know something is going on, but you don't want to tell us the full story.


I guess, like everything in life, there are simply people who want the world to know they suffer. That's understood. We all suffer from time to time...some choose to do it in private and some want the world to watch. (Hence the overabundance of people willing to star in reality TV shows.) There's power in prayer...I get that. You post your status update and 20 people immediately tell you they'll pray for you. There's comfort in that. But what about the family members who read this? What if your husband's Aunt Betsy reads it, tells everyone else in the family, and then you have to face all of them at the next family reunion?


Is there anyone in your Facebook circle of friends who engages in this behavior? How do you feel about it?

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